This post was written on Sunday, at the beginning of the week. So the perspective is from that point of view. I was going to have this post up by Monday, as I usually do, but had to make sure it was okay with my friend to post this.
I’m sitting in my kitchen on my MacBook Pro not sure what to write. I’ve let it get too late again! My mind is simply blank. It refuses to cooperate. Okay I have a topic! A good friend of mine is coming over to visit this week. I haven’t seen him since last summer. We became friends in high-school, though at the time we met each other, he was still in middle school. I remember walking up to him when I needed to barrow a pencil. We were in the main room of our school, which is scattered with computers. I walk up to the desk he was sitting at and ask him, with monumental-sized trepidation. “Um… could I barrow a pencil.” He turns and I think he smiled at me but what I remembered most about him was his voice, his tone was warm, comforting, and genuine. It was like helping me was no trouble at all. I could tell he genuinely wanted to help. This was in contrast to my classmates who were in the same year with me. They had grown tired of me constantly loosing my pencils and pens.
Over the years years our friendship has blossomed. We’ve played in our school band together, done filmmaking in our TV/Media class, and we both have a love of music. He also has an interest in science, one that I don’t share, but I’ve tried in the past to ask him questions about it. This is often difficult for those of us with Aspergers because with our special interests so prominent in our minds, we tend to forget to ask our friends about their interests. Although my friend has been more than aware of this and seems to take in in stride. One special memory I have of our friendship (it’s actually when it really began, the pencil incident was just me asking him for a favor) is when we were out on a field trip with our TV/Media class. We had stopped at a diner to have a bite to eat, I was looking at the table where the high school students were sitting and decided to sit with him and his two friends. As is often with my memories I don’t remember what we talked about, but I remember the emotions and images of that day. We were sitting at a table in the restaurant which was white long with yellow chairs. The ceiling and walls were also white. Their were plenty windows as well, giving the restaurant a cheery look. We started to order and I became nervous. I was aware that if we ordered too much food, we would be short on cash. We decided to all share our money, and pay for our meals collectively. After we had ordered our food, conversation started. I was stunned. It was the most natural conversation with others outside of my close friends and family I had ever had. This was the first time in my life I truly felt comfortable and safe with a group of friends. I didn’t feel the need to put on any sort of pretense. (Something people with Aspergers find very difficult to do – it slows our processing down.) Everyone at the table seemed to genuinely want me to be there. We joked and laughed and the conversation seemed effortless on my part.
As we left the restaurant, My friend saw a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk leaning up against the restaurant’s building. He proceeded to reach into his wallet to give the man some money. My friend’s friend (who had sat with us in the restaurant) quickly stared discouraging this. His tone was at first dismissive but when my friend wouldn’t back down our friend’s tone became assertive I seem to recall him warning us that the homeless man would probably squander the money so it wasn’t worth anything thing giving it to him. Our friend was able to convince my friend not to give the man money and we continued on our way back to school.
I didn’t notice it at the time, but my friend’s generous gesture towards the homeless man, is a core part of who he is. He is now at Stanford where he is studying Computer Science. I have to say, as a beginning programmer, it’s really helpful to have him as a friend. He has helped me with my programming, on multiple occasions. Our friendship means the world to me. And yet it started in such an ordinary way. But even when I first met him, I could tell that here was someone who was truly genuine. One of those rare people you meet once in a lifetime, who even when you hardly know each other is able to put you at ease. I feel privileged to know him and consider myself lucky, because those of us with Aspergers find it hard, and sometimes next to impossible to make friends.
A Rare Life 